we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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