So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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