dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
