I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
