I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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