you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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