If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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