hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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