I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
