she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
