Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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