It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
