3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
