Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
