Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
