I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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