been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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