I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
