dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
