every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
