we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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