What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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