HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
