did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
