Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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