Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
