so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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