my being single is dangerous.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
