Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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