Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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