he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As shirtless as possible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
