does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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