I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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