i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
