Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
