I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
