You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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