Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
