I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
