God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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