i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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