he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
