everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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