Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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