I hate your face
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
