Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
