everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
