His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't turn off my feet"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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