Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
