Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
