There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
